Supporting disabled residents to enjoy masturbation and sexual services
by Tuppy Owens
The pioneers in the UK who do this fell silent in 2015 and so I am having to write this on their behalf!
One SHADA member who works in a college told us that they asked which members of staff would be willing to place a sex toy on students who are unable to masturbate and hold it while they are approaching and experiencing orgasm (or leave the room if the toy is secured- in a tight pair of pants, with a harness or using clamp or Hold-it) and then clear up afterwards. All of the requests for this help came from male students, not the females, and the process could involve holding the guy’s penis whilst it stiffened in order to put it into the sex toy.
Several people offered. And most of the staff were happy for this to happen in the college. Members of staff who disapproved and were unable to accept this happening were invited to leave – and there are plenty of jobs for them so dismissal is legal.
The college were doing this with the approval of independent regulator, the Care Quality Commission, by telling them the problem and what they proposed to do. However they were unable to get written permission.
The sex toy traditionally used for men is the Rends A10 Cyclone although this does not have an ‘up-down’, but a ’round-and-round’ movement.
Some health professionals wrap a vibrating snake around the client’s penis.
Electrostim is sometimes used (although it cannot be used above the waist for quadriplegics).
The Jack Socket is a new e-stim stroker produced by Cyrex which is getting good reviews. Other toys are the Flesh Light (one model having a suction for attaching it to the wall or firm surface) and the Cobra Libra.
I think the reason females don’t ask for this service so much (although see Handisex for examples) is that, firstly, unlike the men, they are not faced with a big throbbing erection standing up in front of them, which they cannot play with. Secondly, some women do not masturbate anyway, and the feeling of horniness is spread throughout their bodies.
Females can use toys like the Butterfly strapped to them, Females who cannot reach the genitals because their arms are short can us a sex toy on a long handle. Those needing support can have a vibrator tucked inside a fairly tight pair of panties. The American pioneer, Ellen Bernard, of A Woman’s Touch Sexuality Resource Centre, is in touch with the sex toy manufacturers and encourages them to manufacture suitable toys.
I have been told by the Bath Institute of Medical Engineering that they would like to support me and create a sex toy which people who cannot masturbate can activate themselves, as many people get horny in the middle of the night, when they have no one to help them. However this has not happened yet.
I have for a long time tried to work out a way in which somebody living locally to the disabled person who is unable to masturbate, could pop in regularly to ‘lend a hand’. It could be a student who would appreciate a small fee, but that would make it prostitution, which is not illegal in itself, but advertising to find this person would be procurement, which is illegal – that is unless they were already selling sexual services.
The Outsiders Trust’s patron, Diego Soto Miranda who Colombian and has spinal atrophy, said he could always find women to masturbated him. His advice is to make them laugh, be very polite, and realise that the wheelchair does not come into the equation. Few girls say they want someone to climb Everest with them. Usually, they want respect, appreciation, someone to listen, but overall the best aphrodisiac is laughter!
I have no idea how many residential homes and colleges are actually happy with residents using sexual services, but I have a feeling about half of them are, but it’s all hush hush. I guess this is because they fear scandal and losing their funding. One individual quite recently went on the radio to say their homes support residents to have a sex worker to visit or supports them to go to the sex worker’s place of work. He has since been silenced.
Our SHADA member who pioneered the introduction of sex workers into her care home has also been silenced, and this, sadly, was the result of scandal. She had found out that her nursing staff were selling sexual services on the side, which stopped when sex workers were invited in. With the worry that relatives of the person in the home would object, our lawyers advised that the include ‘sexual services’ into the description of how they support residents in the contract which the relatives sign when the person is admitted into the home.
I created the website TLC (www.tlc-trust.org.uk) for disabled men and women to find responsible sexual services. It gets a massive number of hits and I get phone calls and text messages almost everyday about it. It is still necessary to tell people that sex work is not illegal in Britain – although the buying of sex has sadly been made illegal in Northern Ireland.
TLC would quite happily expand to include other countries if there was somebody willing to recruit and spread the word!